Zim

hey you hopeless people who have for whatever reason have come here, of which i'm sure won't include looking for regular posts... haha. well, here's the promise of more posts to come after a period of time when i couldn't post coz i had to keep certain parts of my life low profile... now i update it all.... soon ok ? pictures included ok ? gtg now. MUST SLEEP... night.

It seems things are clear now. the threat is clear, and so, the response has tobe just as clear, so I've decided, Sorry azra'il, i'm gonna have to postphone our date. lets rumble. I'm fighting back. Though its at most, for a lost cause. Whatever it is, BRING IT, i'm taking it on solo.

Did the idea of time come to be due to the invention of the idea of time, or was the idea of time the result of time being inherently there in the first place ? there's nothing whatsoever thats tangible about time. so why is it that it plagues me the most ? I keep asking myself, when? when? when? how i wish time went by faster, but then again, if time is man's invention, don't we control it ? can't we define it ? Then why can't it be as simple as juz wishing it to be faster ? God, i've lost it haven't i ? all this thinking to keep my mind from losing it, keeping it busy, keeping it from thinking abt her. here we go, another dose of anti-depressants, these things are wonderous. Stay strong azim, well... a lil help won't hurt. but...

I know you're there Azra'il, creeping about behind me, sneaking up upon me, maybe, u're around the next turn, maybe not, still, i know you're here, i feel your prsence everywhere i go. but hell, i'm not gonna let you stop me from doing what i want. i know you can't do anything till its time. and i know you just can't wait for it. maybe, neither can i, trust me, i know we could be good friends when we meet... i've always wanted to meet you, just that a certain person distracted me for a good while. patience my friend-to-be. We meet in due time. Till then, i having things to tend to...

I miss her,
Yes I do.
I miss her,
But does she too ?
I miss her,
But what's to do ?
I miss her,
Yes baby you.

So I come,
Back to you,
So I come,
Just for you,
Just to ask,
ask you.

When can I,
Feel you again ?
Will you,
Remove all the pain ?
When can I,
Hold you again ?
Will you,
Love me the same ?

Till the fight's over,
When it all ends,
Six feet under,
Under soil and sands,

Perhaps only then,
She will see ?
Only then,
She understands,
That only she,
made me happy,
Even as our love ends.

I resign,
I comprehend,
I surrender,
I understand,
You had to leave,
Coz you don't believe,
no more.

You left,
Walked out the door.
You left,
me and more,
You left,
hoping you would soar.

So fly,
Fly up high,
So go,
As far as you know.

I'm sorry,
I won't be there,
Besides,
I doubt you'd care,
For I,
I've lived my fair.
And I,
Wouldn't dare,
Live,
Another share.

Why am i so stupid ? how could i blow my cover ? now, she knows it all, she's gonna wanna know more, that is, if there's still a little of the original her in there. the Her i once knew. the her i fell in love with. she's not there anymore. she's missing. where is she ? i miss her. guess she ran off when i hurt her. my fault. i'd admit. i hate myself for it, but she started drifting long before. who's to know how it would have been had she not broken up with me that day she returned ? It was limitless love before that day, it was on that day she planted the seed of doubt in me, a seed from great india itself. a seed she had already planted in heself before returning. oh glory, the seed, is now a blossoming tree. its first blooms appear one by one through the year. now, the tree is pink with its blossoms, bright petals of doubt. but its all said and done. what's there to do but wait ? i'd start over, all over, from the day we first met. but thats impossible. the people we started as and who we are now, they're not the same. she'd be proud, maybe happy i realise this now. that we can't last, that there's nothing left in this relationship. I may know his, but i will never accept it. so just go if you have to, i won't chase, i won't hold you down. juz leave when i look away. dun let me see you go. i'll be chained here. so that i CAN'T chase you. dun tell me to move on. i'm juz waiting for fate. I'm sorry...

Why am i typing this ? I don'tknow, but why are you reading this ? i'm sure you don't know either. well, i guess we're on the same page. This is a publicly accessible blog, so why am i ranting ? I dunno either... haha. Sorry ppl, i'm juz relli relli relli bored. Boredom syndrome's setting in. Waiting endlessly for SC duties for PTM. Ugh. KK. Talk later... better get more support for this sunday... Damn, spacebar is getting on my nerves. juz like this whole computer. Since it got its "UPDATE"... well. GTG. the call of SC has been sounded !! Wheeee !! Off i go...

Its been more than a year since this blog got a post from me. Poor blog. lets give this another shot. see how long this leg will last. maybe this will help me grow less dependent on a certain sum1, so as to be..... less...... hmmm...... "pathetic"..... as she puts it. Said it before, saying it again, maybe i put too much heart into it ? She knows i can't let go, I know i can't let go, So is it her who plays me for a fool or am i playing myself for one. Started this year with a bang, i'll keep it going as far and as long as Azra'il's patience holds out. for certain things, certain endeavours, its momentum may have come to stagnation. What am i to do when i get shut out ? when i'm not spoken to by you, except for occasions, rare, then, back to a cold shoulder, is it as you'd say, "limits" ? that we should have them ? what suspicions do u hold against me ? I'd ask for you to have none. What happened to me being a great friend ? i feel abandonned, invisible, but Past thought me to detach, to detach one's self, to detach emotionally. I'd speak, if you'd bother to notice me....

I dunno what the fuck to type. i can't express my happiness, i can't express my despair... but, i've finally completed a song's intro that i've had since the beginning of last yr... here goes...

>Her<

That day you walked away,
that day you left be,
those words i heard you say,
were that you don't love me,

Chorus:
Eversince that moment,
eversince that day,
her love for me,
slowly dies away,
nothing I can do,
nothing I can say,
she's given up,
so come what may,
I will cry,
I will die,
But i will try to walk away,
I say goodbye,
And hope to die,
As I leave alone today,

Does she remember ?
when fate crossed our ways,
does she remember ?
those beautiful love-filled days,

Coz eversince that moment,
eversince that day,
My love for you,
was as strong as yesterday,
I dread tommorrows,
I loathe todays,
to kill the sorrows
I bury my thoughts,
in our yesterdays,

when I cry,
will she still care ?
when I die,
will she be there ?

(repeat chorus)

That day you walked away,
that day you left be,
those words i heard you say,
were that you don't love me,

Coz eversince that moment,
eversince that day,
My love for you,
was as strong as yesterday,
I dread tommorrows,
I loathe todays,
to kill the sorrows
I bury my thoughts,
in our yesterdays,

That day you walked away,
that day you left be,
those words i heard you say,
were that you don't love me,